Notice, name, choose: the three steps
An order for an ordinary work moment, written for this kit. It is not a validated model and it does not promise a result.
| Step | What you do | Words you could use |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Notice | Separate what you can see or hear from what you guess. Facts first: words, actions, timing, your own body. Then the guess, marked as a guess. Ask: what exactly was said or done, and what am I adding? | “The phone went down hard and they said ‘Unbelievable’.” “My guess is that the call went badly.” |
| 2. Name | Pick one to three words from the cards that might fit, and the signal behind each. Ask: is it milder or stronger than my first word? About someone else, a word stays a guess; do not say it to them as a fact. | “Not furious. Closer to exasperated, because of the hard phone. Maybe strained, if the call added work.” |
| 3. Choose | Weigh two or three responses and what each might lead to. Choose one and say its first sentence. Ask: what do I want to happen next? About someone else, check or offer; do not tell them what they feel. | “That sounded like a tough call. I need your sign-off by 15:00. Is now all right, or would 14:00 suit you better?” |
When this practice is the wrong tool
Follow your own organisation’s policy and local law. This table is a guide for trainers, not HR, legal or medical advice.
| Situation | Where it belongs | Why it is not for this practice |
|---|---|---|
| Someone in the room is distressed, or says they are not coping | Pause the activity for everyone. Afterwards, offer a private word and point to the support your organisation has, such as an employee assistance programme. In immediate danger, call the emergency services. | Word cards and practice are not support for a person who is struggling. |
| Grief, trauma or a mental health condition | A qualified professional, chosen by the person | This is skills practice, not therapy or counselling. |
| Judging a colleague’s emotional intelligence, in an appraisal, hiring or promotion | Nowhere. Do not use this kit for it. | The kit measures nothing. Its tallies count words heard in one practice round. |
| A performance or conduct concern about a person | The manager and the agreed HR process | A concern about a person needs a fair process, not an exercise in reading them. |
| A real tension between two people in the room | A private conversation, the manager, or the conflict resolution activities kit with fictional cards | Practising on a real colleague in public can hurt the relationship. |
| Asking people to share their own feelings in the group | Never required. Sharing is optional, and the choose card stays private. | Disclosure at work cannot be undone, and nobody should feel obliged. |
Emotion-word cards
Thirty-six work words in six families, one family per column, printed in alphabetical order. Pairs put one family in order from mildest to strongest. People order them differently, and that difference is the point.
| Pressure | Frustration | Worry | Let-down | Interest | Satisfaction |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| busy | angry | alarmed | deflated | curious | content |
| overwhelmed | annoyed | anxious | dejected | eager | delighted |
| pressed | exasperated | concerned | disappointed | engaged | pleased |
| strained | frustrated | uneasy | discouraged | excited | proud |
| stretched | impatient | unsure | flat | interested | relieved |
| swamped | irritated | worried | let down | keen | satisfied |
Moment cards
Seven fictional work moments. Card D is for the demonstration, cards 1 to 3 are “you” moments and cards 4 to 6 are about a colleague. The options are examples to weigh, not answers.
| Card | The moment | Options to weigh |
|---|---|---|
| D. The lost room | In this card “you” are a fictional trainer. You arrive at 08:45 to run a 09:00 session. The room has been given to another team. Twelve participants are waiting in the corridor. You notice you are talking fast and your hands are cold. | A. Apologise to the group at length and look for a room together. B. Say “Give me five minutes. Coffee is in the kitchen on the left,” then call the facilities desk. C. Start the session standing in the corridor. |
| 1. The moved deadline | In this card “you” are a fictional team member. In a Monday meeting your manager says the client review moves from Friday to Wednesday. You have two other tasks due on Wednesday. You notice your jaw is tight and you have stopped taking notes. A colleague asks if you are all right. | A. Say nothing and work late to fit it all in. B. Say in the meeting: “Wednesday clashes with two things I have due. Can we agree which one moves?” C. Tell the colleague “I’m fine” and see the manager after the meeting with the two dates. |
| 2. The reply-all | In this card “you” are a fictional coordinator. You sent a draft schedule to eight people. A senior colleague replies to all: “This clashes with the audit week. Did nobody check?” Your name is on the draft. You read the message three times and start typing a long reply. | A. Send the long reply now. B. Wait 20 minutes, then reply to the senior colleague only: “Thanks for spotting the clash. I’ll send a revised draft by 16:00.” C. Reply to all with a one-line fix, and call the colleague later about the tone. |
| 3. The praise you did not expect | In this card “you” are a fictional analyst. In a project review the department head thanks you by name for the handover document. Your face gets warm, you say “It was nothing, really” and you change the subject. Later you wonder why you brushed it off. | A. Leave it. Brushing praise off does no harm. B. Send a short note: “Thank you for mentioning the handover document. It took a week, and it was good to hear it helped.” C. Next time, say “Thank you” and stop there. |
| 4. The quiet expert | A colleague who usually adds detail in planning calls has said nothing for 20 minutes. Their camera is off. When the chair asks if they agree, they type in the chat: “Fine with whatever is decided.” | A. Carry on. They said they are fine. B. Send a private chat message: “You know this area best. Is there anything we are missing? Happy to hear it after the call too.” C. Say in the call: “Before we decide, I would like to hear from Sam.” |
| 5. The short answers | A new colleague joined three weeks ago. When you ask about a task, they answer in one word. They arrive early and leave late. Twice you have seen them reading the same page of the process guide. | A. Send your questions by email so they have time to answer. B. Offer a fixed slot: “My first month here was a lot. Would 15 minutes a day to ask anything help?” C. Ask their manager whether something is wrong. |
| 6. The loud desk | After a phone call a colleague puts the phone down hard, says “Unbelievable” to nobody and walks to the kitchen. Ten minutes later they come back and start working as if nothing happened. You need their sign-off on the rota by 15:00 today. | A. Ask for the sign-off now as if nothing happened. B. Wait until 14:30 and ask then. C. Say: “That sounded like a tough call. I need your sign-off on the rota by 15:00. Is now all right, or would 14:00 suit you better?” |
Timing of one round
Two rounds of 10 minutes: a “you” moment, then a colleague’s moment. Paste this table in each breakout room.
| Minutes | What both people do | In a trio, the observer |
|---|---|---|
| 0–2 | Read the card | Reads the observer sheet |
| 2–5 | Notice: each writes facts and guesses alone, then compare | Marks facts and guesses as they are said |
| 5–7 | Name: up to three words from the cards, with the signal behind each | Marks words weighed against each other |
| 7–10 | Choose: weigh the options, choose one and say its first sentence aloud | Marks options weighed and first sentences; gives one note |
Choose moment cards for your group
Give each pair one “you” card (1 to 3) and one colleague card (4 to 6). Keep card D for your demonstration.
| If your group… | Use cards | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Works to tight deadlines | 1 and 6 | Both moments have a time limit, so a choice has to fit the work as well as the person. |
| Works mostly in writing or online | 2 and 4 | Signals are thin in chat and email, so the gap between fact and guess is wide. |
| Has new starters or is growing | 5 and 3 | A quiet newcomer and praise that is brushed off are both easy to misread. |
| Runs training or events | 1 and 4 | Card 1 is a change of plan and card 4 is a quiet voice in a call. Use card D for your demonstration. |
| Prefers a gentle start | 3 and 4 | No one is under pressure in these two moments, and the options are low stakes. |
What the observer counts
For the third person in a trio. One mark each time a behaviour is heard. The count guides one note to the pair. It is not a score of anyone.
| Behaviour | What counts | Example words |
|---|---|---|
| Stated a fact anyone could check | A word, action, time or count from the card, said as it is. | “They said ‘Fine with whatever is decided’ in the chat.” |
| Marked a guess as a guess | A guess with “maybe”, “I wonder” or “my guess is”. | “Maybe they disagree and do not want to say it in front of everyone.” |
| Stated a guess as a fact | A guess said as if it were known. Count it without comment; it is useful to hear. | “They’re sulking.” |
| Weighed more than one word | Two or more words compared, or a word made milder or stronger. | “Not angry. More like impatient.” |
| Weighed more than one option | Two or more responses compared, with what each might lead to. | “If we carry on, we might miss the risk they know about.” |
| Said a first sentence aloud | The actual words of the chosen response, not a description of it. | “You know this area best. Is there anything we are missing?” |
Filled example: practice sheet for card 6
A fictional round of card 6, “The loud desk”.
| Step | Person 1’s notes |
|---|---|
| Card, and whose moment it is: yours in the story, or a colleague’s | Card 6, “The loud desk”. A colleague’s moment. |
| Notice: what I can see or hear, in facts anyone could check | The phone went down hard after a call. They said “Unbelievable” to nobody and walked to the kitchen. They came back after ten minutes and started working. I need their sign-off on the rota by 15:00. |
| Notice: what I guess about it, marked as a guess | My guess is the call went badly. They may not want to talk about it. I do not know what the call was about, or whether it had anything to do with me. |
| Name: one to three words that might fit, and the signal behind each | Exasperated: the hard phone and “Unbelievable”. Strained: if the call added work. Not angry: they came back calm. All three stay guesses; I would not say any of them to my colleague. |
| Choose: the options I weighed, and what each might lead to | A. Ask now as if nothing happened: a rushed yes, or a sharp reply. B. Wait until 14:30: less time if they want changes. C. Short check with a choice of time: keeps the deadline visible and lets them pick. |
| Choose: my choice and its first sentence. For a colleague, how I would check | C. “That sounded like a tough call. I need your sign-off on the rota by 15:00. Is now all right, or would 14:00 suit you better?” If they say no to both, I ask my team lead who else can sign. |
| Compare: one thing my partner saw differently | My partner read the calm return as “relieved”. We agreed we cannot tell, and that the check question works either way. |
Filled example: two ladders compared
Family: Frustration. 1 is the mildest word and 6 the strongest. The two people placed 1 word in the same place, and 1 word two or more places apart (largest gap 2). That word is the one to talk about: there is no correct order.
| Word | Person 1 | Person 2 | Gap | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| irritated | 2 | 1 | 1 | |
| impatient | 1 | 3 | 2 | Talk about it |
| annoyed | 3 | 2 | 1 | |
| frustrated | 4 | 5 | 1 | |
| exasperated | 5 | 4 | 1 | |
| angry | 6 | 6 | 0 |
Filled example: observer tally for card 6
The observer’s sheet for the same fictional round, from a trio. Times heard: Person 1 11, Person 2 9, 20 in the round. All 6 behaviours were heard at least once, and 5 of them from both people. Three guesses were stated as facts; both people noticed it in the review.
| What to listen for | Person 1 | Person 2 | Exact words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Stated a fact anyone could check | 4 | 3 | P1: “The phone went down hard.” P2: “They came back after ten minutes.” |
| Marked a guess as a guess | 3 | 2 | P1: “My guess is the call went badly.” P2: “Maybe they were relieved to get it over.” |
| Stated a guess as a fact | 1 | 2 | P2: “He’s furious.” P1: “They’re embarrassed.” |
| Weighed more than one word | 1 | 1 | P1: “Exasperated more than angry.” |
| Weighed more than one option | 1 | 1 | P2: “If we wait until 14:30 there is no time for changes.” |
| Said a first sentence aloud | 1 | 0 | P1: “That sounded like a tough call. Is now all right, or would 14:00 suit you better?” |
Filled example: two-week practice log
A fictional log kept after a session on Monday 19 October 2026, as it stood on Friday 6 November. Four entries: 2 done, 1 partly, 1 not done, and 4 days since the last entry. The log is private and is not shared with a manager.
| Date | Moment (no names) | What I noticed first | Word I used | What I chose | Did I do it? |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tue 20 Oct | Late change to a report request | Jaw tight, typing fast | pressed | Asked which part could wait | Yes |
| Thu 22 Oct | A colleague went quiet in a stand-up | Camera off, one-word answers | unsure (my guess) | Private message offering to talk after | Yes |
| Tue 27 Oct | My idea was turned down in a meeting | Wanted to argue straight away | deflated | Waited a day, then asked what would change the answer | Partly |
| Mon 2 Nov | Praise in a team email | Started to write “no problem” | pleased | Reply that says thank you and stops | No |
What you'll leave with
By the end of 60 minutes each participant has ordered one family of emotion words and compared it with a partner, and has worked through two fictional work moments: facts apart from guesses, up to three possible words, and a chosen response with its first sentence.
Before the session
- For trainers and team leads running communication sessions at work: 4–20 people in pairs.
- Read “When this practice is the wrong tool” first. Do not run the session just after a distressing event in the team, or in an appraisal or selection process.
- Print a card set per pair, the moment cards, and per person the ladder, practice and choose sheets.
- Accessibility: offer plain-text cards, a written route and passing without a reason.
The run of show
Open, and say what this is not
Two minutes: say the purpose. Say: “Today we practise three small moves with words and invented work moments: notice what is there, name it with a precise word, and choose a response. It is practice. It is not a test, it measures nothing, and nobody needs to talk about their own feelings.” Two minutes: show “When this practice is the wrong tool” and let people read it. One minute: if you use the term, say: “Emotional intelligence was described by the psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and made widely known by Daniel Goleman in 1995. We use none of their models today.” One minute: agree the rules. The moments are fictional, guesses stay guesses, anyone can pass or switch to writing.
Word ladders
Two minutes: hand out the word cards and a word ladder sheet. Say: “Each family has six words in alphabetical order. Put them in order from mildest to strongest, as you use them. There is no correct order.” Give each pair one family. Three minutes: each person orders the family alone, in writing. Three minutes: pairs compare the positions and mark any word placed two or more places apart. Two minutes: ask two or three pairs: “Which word did you place far apart? What would you think if a colleague used it about a deadline?” Collect one or two words on a shared list.
Demonstrate notice, name, choose
One minute: read card D, “The lost room”, aloud. Four minutes: think aloud. Notice: “Facts: 08:45, no room, twelve people waiting, I am talking fast and my hands are cold.” Name: “My first word is panic. From the cards, pressed and alarmed are closer.” Choose: read the three options and say what each might lead to, then choose B and say its first sentence. One minute: ask, “Where did I separate a fact from a guess?” Point to the three-step table.
Round 1: a “you” moment
Pairs take card 1, 2 or 3. In these cards “you” are a fictional character; nobody says whether it has happened to them. Two minutes: both read the card. Three minutes: each person writes the two Notice lines alone, then they compare. Two minutes: Name, with up to three words from the cards and the signal behind each. Three minutes: Choose. Weigh the options, choose one or write your own, and say the first sentence aloud to your partner. In a trio, the third person uses the observer sheet. Call each change of step aloud.
Round 2: a colleague’s moment
Pairs take card 4, 5 or 6 and a fresh practice sheet, with the same timing. Say: “This time the feelings belong to someone else. Every word you name is a guess, and your choice should check or offer, not tell them what they feel.” In a trio, a different person observes. Walk between pairs and listen for guesses said as facts; note the words, not the names.
Group debrief
Six minutes: ask for words, not people. “Which fact was easy to miss?” “Where did a guess slip in as a fact?” “Which first sentence would you actually say?” Collect phrases in the chat or on a flipchart. Four minutes: ask, “When would a colleague’s moment need more than a check question?” Connect the answers to the table from the opening: distress, a performance concern or a real conflict goes elsewhere.
Private choose card and close
Five minutes of private writing on the choose card. Say: “Think of a work moment in the next two weeks where you would like to pause, or use one of today’s cards. Nobody will see this card.” Three minutes: each person shares one word or one first sentence they will keep, aloud or in the chat, or passes.
Participant worksheet
Copy this table into a document, or print the worksheet from the bundle. Share only what you choose.
| Item | Detail |
|---|---|
| Before you start | Read “When this practice is the wrong tool”. Every moment is fictional; your own feelings stay private. |
| Word ladder | Order one family of six words from mildest to strongest, then compare with your partner |
| Notice | What you can see or hear, then what you guess about it, marked as a guess |
| Name | One to three words from the cards that might fit, and the signal behind each |
| Choose | Two or three options, what each might lead to, and the first sentence of the one you choose |
| After the session | A private choose card for one moment in the next two weeks, or a fictional one |
Debrief questions
- Which fact in your card was easy to miss, and what did you notice instead?
- Where did a guess slip in as a fact, and how did saying “maybe” change what you chose?
- Which word did you and your partner understand differently, and what would that mean in a real message?
- Which first sentence would you actually say at work, and what would you change to make it your own?
Adapt it for your group
- For four or five people, work as two pairs, or a pair and a trio, and run the group debrief as one conversation. With three people, one trio with an observer each round works well.
- For a 40-minute version, keep the opening (6 minutes), shorten the word ladders to 6 minutes (one family, no group round), skip the demonstration, run one round with a colleague’s moment (10), debrief for 10 and close with the choose card (8).
- Online, use breakout rooms of two, paste the word list, the card and the round timing in each room, and let pairs type their notes in a shared document. Cameras are optional. Read the card aloud for anyone using a screen reader or audio only.
- For quieter participants or anyone who prefers not to speak, every step has a written route: the ladder, the practice sheet and the choose card are all written, and the first sentence can be typed instead of said. Passing needs no reason. Nobody is asked about their own feelings at any point.
- To write your own moment cards, keep them fictional, ordinary and work-related: a deadline, a message, a meeting, a handover. Give facts and visible signals, not feelings. Do not use a real event from the team, and avoid anything from “When this practice is the wrong tool”.
After the session
Send the three steps, the word cards and the practice log to the group within one working day. Suggest that each person keeps the log privately for two weeks: one line when they notice a moment, the word they used and what they chose. At the next session, spend five minutes on one word or sentence people found useful, without stories about colleagues. If someone tells you about a situation from “When this practice is the wrong tool”, do not coach it; point them to the support their organisation has.
Questions people ask
What are good emotional intelligence activities for adults at work?
Short, written practice with fictional work moments works well: separate what you saw from what you guess, find a more precise word, and choose a response with its first sentence. This kit uses 36 emotion-word cards in six families and six moments, such as a moved deadline, a reply-all and a colleague who goes quiet in a call. It needs no props, products or personal stories.
Does this kit measure or improve emotional intelligence?
No. It is skills practice, and it measures nothing. There is no questionnaire, no score and no “EQ” result, and the observer tally counts words heard in one round, not a quality of a person. We make no claim about results. The term emotional intelligence was described by Peter Salovey and John Mayer (1990) and made widely known by Daniel Goleman (1995); the kit does not use or test their models.
Do participants have to talk about their own feelings?
No. Every moment is fictional, and in the “you” cards the “you” is a character. The choose card at the end is private and can use a fictional moment. Anyone can pass, write instead of speak, or take the observer role. If a participant is distressed, pause the activity and point to the support your organisation has.
How is this different from the active listening exercises?
The active listening exercises practise hearing, checking and summarising what someone says. This kit works one step earlier and inside your own head: telling a fact from a guess, finding a precise word, and choosing a response before you speak or type. The two fit well together: run active listening first, then this session. The communication role-play cards cover the conversation itself, such as explaining a change or saying no.
How many people do I need, and can I run it online?
Four to twenty people in pairs. With an odd number, make one trio; the third person uses the observer sheet and a different person observes in each round. Online, use breakout rooms of two, paste the card and the word list in each room, and keep cameras optional.
What is included in the free and editable files?
The open PDF has the table of situations this practice is not for, the three steps, the word cards, the word ladder sheet, the seven moment cards, the practice sheet, the observer sheet, the private choose card with a two-week practice log, three filled examples and the 60-minute facilitator plan. Subscribers also receive the editable Word file, an Excel workbook with the session plan, the cards, a word ladder that counts the gaps between two people, an observer tally, a pair planner and a practice log, and a CSV of the session plan.
How to use the files
Print the PDF, edit the Word file in Word or Google Docs, or open the CSV or XLSX in a spreadsheet. Open files need no email.
Can I use this with paying clients?
Yes. Use and adapt this original Superglue kit in your own training, including paid client sessions. Please share this page rather than redistributing the unmodified kit. Read the full usage terms.